We were meant to be. You are my better half. That will never change. Its just that this phase ends here. Or that’s what i feel is necessary.
I felt it today. The whole denial phase is over. I wanted to believe every second what i felt. I still feel it, i still believe it but something struck the right chord today. I get it that no matter how deeply we connect, you are somewhere else on your path and in order to be with you i am now caging myself. And you are too. So, for the best for you and me, its time to go.
The pangs are piercing yet i have peace. The pain is soul deep yet a balm effect is hovering. Because separation is illusion and i already have you within me. I will miss the physical presence of yours, smile and laughter and magical touch of yours. I will live it within me everyday. I wont find this love again, its my knowing. You are the one, will always be.
Same words you used, same things you said that you love me like a friend but you added -a friend with benefits. Because i stir you at all levels. But you call it memories that excite you and deeply revive you. Nothing more. It was a mistake on your part.
How long will i ignore all of the above? I ignore it ecause i want to just be with you no matter what, no matter how short of time you give, no matter how always everything is your way, no matter if i am always wanting and asking because you are the controller, because i want to love you endlessly. I ignore you not even wanting a life with me and i get happy in getting few hours, like crumbs. I ask for walk with you and you make sure to give it to me with all checks and balances in place for your other relationships. I move mountains for you and you move me out of your way so quickly and easily. And i still wan to love you and just be there…….without ego, without expectations without anything…….and i am failing.
I am failing because every few days you treat “us” like a case under inspection. Its not a love without bounds, you have restrictions, boundaries and expectations of the unnamed more than friends relationship thst you struggle to keep within means of best friendship. How? How in the world can it be possible?
You say you have love(and i do feel it!) but not like i have for you. You don’t want to live a life with me. You want me to be there for you, for being your everything when it feels right to you. To be your person. To be your love. To be your confidant. To hold you, support you and to love you no matter what. But you are not there for me. Because i want it all. I want you in whole. And i want to love you even though you love this other person, you cant think of your life without them.
Life’s vision that you have is very clear. I am not in that life of yours. I am not a part. If I have accepted you the way you are, in someone else’s arms, with desire in your heart everyday to not miss that person even for one day, doesn’t mean anything. Because you are willing to loose me. No matter what you say, however much you love me and might be the most in the world, but i am not Being able to be there anymore physically To love you. I have to let you go. I cant stop wanting to hold you in my arms upon seeing you. I can not stop myself To kiss your most tender lips. I can and have never felt jealous of the other person and your love for him. But what good is our togetherness if i am always left empty and on the shorter end. I understand your love and your reasons. I truly do .
you want to break the cycle. There’s no other way. I will walk away so you can have your love in your life completely. I don’t belong in your life anymore. My work here is done. I wont portray anymore my live energy that was perhaps blocking your
My love will never be done. But i cant express. You cant reciprocate. Then i am chaining myself. It will hurt. I will yearn for you. I will have bouts and wants to come back to you. Because i know how i love you. But i will stop myself now by reminding that i am not the one, you are where you want to be. I will cry but i have yo let you go.
But i have realised now and heard it ENOUGH times from you that i am not the one. That its not me your heart craves for. Then i am a fool to spread my wings and wait for you to take a flight with me. With sadness insurmountable that i cant be the one but joy infinite that even if for a lying moment of your life i was the one, then i will live with that for the rest if my life.
I will keep writing what happened since August and whatever will happen beyond today. I know for sure thst we are not just a memory that time will fade……you think that.
It was an honour to know you and love you. A blessing so divine. You were, are and will always be my true love……..my heart will never beat the same and my love to whoever it goes will be the love i have for you. That’s all what it is that runs in me.